As we grow up we realise what happens at first is always not the same as what happens in the end. it is damn hard for the first to be the last, therefore, im gonna show you that things can be damn hard, but possible.
I blog but you don't have to understand.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
11:45 AM
I thought that not letting you know would be better, because then you don't have to worry. But it seems that the more you don't know, the more you worry. But the more you know, the more you will worry.
Really don't know what to do. If only there's ample of trust, then I wouldn't have to worry about you worrying.
I blog but you don't have to understand.
1:00 AM
A good news make a good night. HAHAHHAAHA. Heaven is not blind omgomgomg. It's like plotting such an exciting show for me to watch. Can't wait.
Excited for school
I blog but you don't have to understand.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
12:04 AM
Resounding, stern and assured no. Just a few mintues ago I was wondering about the question that was once again posed to me, caught unaware at a bus stop, I rewind and replayed the whole scene in my head, and I am glad as I recalled, I recalled myself answering with a no. I did not regret.
Thank god. (am a free thinker here though) Then a few mintues ago I thought how long would the resounding no in my heart to that question last, and I almost convinced myself that it might not last long. Bullshit.
I looked through pictures of the last few months in facebook. And thank god (just a figure of speech) the resounding no is still thudding in my heart.
As for whether it will stay, it is up to me to decide. As for whether I have wasted anything, it is up to me to decide.
The heart gotta stay strong. So that you can tell people your choice is right, and you know its right.
Think about what would I be thinking about if I hadnt made that choice. Terrible, I would be feeling like a slug now. HAHAHAHAHAH. Right.
What are the 3 most important decisions that had played an important role in defining your life, up till now? There are definite moments when you make some decisions, and they change alot of you. Don't they? I'm lazy to think about mine lah, going to eat tauhuey now. My brother is so nice because he just bought back rocher tauhuey. I think he reads this. So Im very nice to say that he is nice. Then when he reads this he will come and ask me why not tell him in the face. Because I shy.
I blog but you don't have to understand.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
3:52 PM
Sometimes there are some things, that we have to choose to give up for a while, because we cannot put in time. It is not like those minor things where we can choose to just hang on there for a bit here and a bit there. it's either go all the way or give it up for a while.
So yea~
But it's okay, now I will have more time to focus on many other things.
And I'll be sure if I go back, I will go back as a stronger one.
And for I know what I'm giving it up for, so I will go all the way for the thing which I've decided to not give up. Which is the first thing. And life is all about putting first things first.
Hooray.
I blog but you don't have to understand.
Monday, October 11, 2010
11:02 PM
I had a great day. Today is quite a rest day, after a week of adventure camp in Jeram Besu, Pahang (in which loads of cheering and bonding took place, camp games, paintball, water rafting, building tripod, water confidence, cave exploring, abseiling on natural rock, flying fox, partner flying fox, bump motor boats, four wheel truck drive like shiok only! like arcade games in real life!, waterfall water playing, nightwalk in a raining forest, my first real big campfire)
and then a week of partayys and stayovers, more like playovers. Because we ton and didn't sleep, so they aren't sleepovers.
Today was mainly made up of eat, facial, packing for camp, sleep, eat, shop, and spending time with blood related peeps.
Today was good because
I realised that just when I thought everything was over, and that there is no more chance anymore, and we would have to live like that all the way till we die, POOF something comes up and changes alot alot alot of things. It's like a feeling that gives me hope, and faith about some things I have long given up in life. Touched much.
I realised that some people just don't care about how mean they are, they could have, but they didn't and they made it so so so obvious that I'm but a background. Fuck my life to be in that picture with them. Sluts. At least whores get paid, seriously.
I realised that friends in life are mainly divided into two categories, and they are fun friends, and heart friends. And you draw a Venn diagram, and when you found someone who falls into both categories. fun+heart friends, then they become real friends.
I realised that you plan and manage your own time, and making time for people that matters is all that matter. And if things clashes, and you choose to go for the event that you are going for, because the benefits offsets the opportunity cost, then the unchosen activity immediately becomes the sunk cost and you shouldn't be thinking about it anymore, but instead put your heart in the activity that you have chosen because the choice was yours, and your heart should be with your choice.
I also realised that it's fucking time to take good care of my face. Water. sleep. No oil and chilli. Do or die.
I also! realised that sometimes, some unity, is all a scam. I mean why do you say we are one, and then you make that kind of move, like like a terrorist. It is not a normal human social behavior anymore. Really depressing, but I have to maintain my cool, because I am a mature lady and not some kid who really wants to pull you into that dark alley and scream fuck you in your face.
HAHAHA KTHXBYE.
I blog but you don't have to understand.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
11:06 PM
Superpowers If you could fly, where would you fly to? If you could turn invisible, what would you do? If you could heal, would you do it for money? Would you heal your greatest enemy? Your most hated person? If you could make people do your bidding, would you do it for power? for status? for money? Would you kill, would you harm, would you still have a heart? If you could read minds, how would you feel if you can't change minds?
Why the fuck do we want super powers? when they are not exactly that useful, are they?
I blog but you don't have to understand.
Saturday, October 09, 2010
3:29 PM
Sometimes I feel so depressed (like Clarisse) knowing about what people my age do. They play hard, but they do not work hard. They eat the food from the fields but do not plough the fields. Some are fed from golden spoons, since they were young, but they do not know who or how the gold was mined.
I blog but you don't have to understand.
Monday, October 04, 2010
2:07 AM
Quit I've been trying so hard to be a superwoman, I realise I cannot have all my cake and eat them all. I just, can't finish all the cake. All the cake.
So, I'm gonna quit. Because I'm not willing to put time into it. So, there is simply no point doing things half heartedly, going each time feeling like a dead corspe, and feeling so uneasy, frustrated.
It was hell loads of good experience. Maybe I will be back, in half a year's time. Back a stronger, more powerful person.
Quitting hurts. Staying on hurts more. The benefits of the consequences of my actions more than offsets the opportunity cost of my actions, therefore, my decision is correct.
I blog but you don't have to understand.
Sunday, October 03, 2010
1:26 PM
Sometimes it's so accurate Sometimes I choose not to believe such intepretations, because then it would mean that everyone on Earth can be simply grouped into such categories, I would love to think that life isn't that simple. Character and personality is made up much more than that - a mere birthdate and place. But sometimes again, it speaks so deep of yourself.
http://abacusastrology.co.uk/atlas.asp nah, go play.
Born under the sign of Cancer, you are emotional by nature and quite sensitive, but this is covered by a hard and tough exterior, your own protective shell. Being averse to the responsibility for taking action, you tend to withdraw rather than make decisions. Learn to think for yourself Emotionally you are reserved and cautious. This might lead to loneliness at times, since you have some difficulty in projecting warmth and tenderness. You are serious and more concerned with achieving goals and objectives than many others, and you want to be recognized as a capable and independent individual. This is not a bad trait, but try not to look down your nose at other people's suggestions. Self-expression is blocked by emotional hangups or habit patterns that may be inherited or conditioned by past events. Family and domestic affairs keep you from developing the way you would like. The conditions in your early family environment may have caused difficulties in understanding and getting along with the opposite sex. In these relationships you can be too argumentative and defensive. You may need to get the chip off your shoulder sometimes. This aspect suggests a conflict between the ego and the emotions. There is a presence of tension between your outer and inner self. You have strong feelings, but these feelings are controlled and constructive. In general, you deal with people well. You can be firm and forceful without becoming abusive and violent. You express a self-confidence that assures you won't be threatened by associates or competitors. You have the need to fight for what is right, but you do so in a fair and evenhanded way. Actions are unbiased and just.
Mentality & communication You have lot of imagination, and most probably a superb memory, but you can be a bit biased in your opinions, because your emotions often interfere with your ability to make logical appraisals. It is very likely that you are somewhat sentimental and look back to the "good old days" (even if you are still young!) with nostalgia. A certain shyness in your temperament makes you feel uncomfortable whenever you have to speak to a group of people. You have a lot to say, but you lack emotional defences against those who might disagree with you, so you tend to withdraw and sulk when verbally attacked. You have a gift for communicating in a pleasant manner, and you might have a special talent for writing or composing music. You know how to say the right thing to people, and get along with almost anyone because you understand the art of compromise. This doesn't mean that you always give in, rather that you have the ability to win people over with a special charm when the need arises, and be very easy-going when you decide it is appropriate.
Love, marriage & social relations You are truly loving and affectionate, and appreciate beautiful things, art and music. You are constant in your affections and loyal to your commitments in partnerships, but you can easily become too possessive towards your loved ones. Keep in mind that you cannot own another person. You have a very sensuous way of expressing love, but are a little cautious, and will not rush into a relationship before you feel you are ready. Your personal relationships are maybe best served when your partner has the ability to earn a good living, as going without the comforts of life is especially painful to you. A negative aspect formed between Venus and Saturn shows difficulties in relationships. Because of this, you can be left out of the mainstream of social life sometimes. You have a melancholy disposition resulting in a shyness, or a formal and stiff manner of presenting yourself. You find it hard to meet people half way, perhaps because you fear rejection. A defensive attitude must be overcome. You have such a high degree of tension and anxiety that is hard for you to relax.
Career & ambition The Aquarius influence in the tenth house denotes original and inventive approach to the career and life work. Uranus, the ruler of Aquarius, is the planet of change, freedom, humanity, and rebellion. You may have new and ingenious ideas to present the public. You are a team player and function well as a part of the team. Your goals are likely to be stated in advance, and your aim will be accomplishments producing publicly useful results. The tenth house Aquarius personality is inclined to a public life. You may be involved in many humanitarian ventures if you are in touch with that part of your nature. Yet, you are likely to feel a real sense of reluctance to the "glare and scare" connected with public recognition. There is a natural reluctance in your personality to risk-taking in the career. This must be overcome to achieve true success and measure up to your potential. You must be willing to take chances. No matter what career you finally choose, your special inventive quality will be stamped on the end product.
Other traits You are kind and generous, and have a warm, loving quality. You desire pleasure and fun, and keenly appreciate all the finer elements of life. Comfort, elegance and life quality are all important to you. This could mean that you have a tendency to take life sitting down, not being very good at accepting challenge and finding a clear direction in life. Other people are important to you, and you are always willing to make concessions to people in order to win their continuing approval of you. You have a rational, logical and positive manner, and don't like having to depend on others for anything. You are usually able to take a detached view of your own psychological problems, and while there may not be a great deal of flexibility in your attitude of mind, you have the ability to counter what is wrong by using stronger and more positive characteristics and traits. You tend to be quite individual, and don't accept overconventional or well-established ideas or outmoded concepts.
I blog but you don't have to understand.
Hi, I'm FangXian
and I believe in
Mind over body, Heart over mind.
I ♥ happy people
Happy is a virtue :D
but life is not just abt being happy
it's about doing what you never thought you could.
This is just a space to share weird thoughts.
