Weird day Terribly terrified, but helpless. I understand how dramas always show it's so hard to help already. It seems like you are there you can just do something to help. But truth is we are all each a separate entity and although we are sitting together like in real life just a few centimetres away each other, but truth is we are seas apart. And I feel helpless I can't help you.
The difference between a child and an adult is that a child needs what he misses, whereas an adult misses only what he needs. As we grow, we tend to become more practical because that's how life is managed. Talk about life management. Actually, some things happen. But in reality, what is actually supposed to happen can don't happen. Talk about flexibility. Being frivolous is different from being flexible in decisions.
There were two groups. Why were there two groups? There were two couples. Why was it that the exact moment I saw them they kissed? There was an eye contact. Why was it that at the exact moment I looked, the other party looked back?
I blog but you don't have to understand.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
9:36 PM
Shape Like it or not, what we are is partly shaped by the external environment we grew up in. Every single thing contributes.
And I grew up in an environment that taught me to forbid myself to grow attached to things, people, or event.
I never thought that what I am like could be attributed to what I've been through, but the truth is we are all shaped by what we went through. A solid shape may form over time, but as long as the machine is strong enough, you can be squashed into another shape.
I never rule out possibilities about life,
it's just how possible is it.
I blog but you don't have to understand.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
2:27 AM
can't sleep lying on my bed listening to emo songs. i wonder if its the teh peng just now, or the bread pan snack just now, or maybe the overly hard potato salad which used to be very nice, but wasnt that nice today, i mean yesterday. Or maybe its the mixture of the not hectic, but real packed schedules. Not really taxing, but real heavy workload. Not really stressed, just a longgg to-do list. The cheesecake in the morning was nice. Or maybe its the many things ive found out today. And the impression of me that they had. Very unique, how many of such flamingoes will you meet who had their wings chopped so they could learn to fly without? Or maybe its the calves muscles that's still struggling to catch up the distance i had to walk. i feel soooo bored now, but i really wish i will wake up for the morning lecture tomorrow. Or maybe its the name that never really was mentioned, but you just had an image of him in your brain. Or maybe its the thought of remuneration on award ceremony. Or maybe how he starts looking at you since he saw you dressed up. Or maybe its the weird amount of cash deposited in your account but it doesn't tally and you cannot figure out why. Or maybe its the missing of him,her,her,her,him. And the problem of being too engaged in facebook everyday but not able to help it, and the want to one day say like how he did that i dont play facebook one. Thinking of seeing sunrise, and thought of the days when i just slacked away with you, and we went to catch falling leaves. That was when my toe was injured, but life was quite easy. But then, i was bored then too. But it was a different kind of bored. I know we can't tell the future now, but what if what if? Why do my heart feels so damn fucking empty? The night is still and quiet, but in a while, the cars will move, the flats will light up, the taps will run, but there will not be any good yummy smell of omelette, neither will there be bottle caps shaped cut out bread with goober smack peanut butter and jam. or maybe its the disturbance of your family's wealth, like the drum sets and the gym and the convertible. Or maybe its the itch of the young fearless fiery heart. i think its because the subconscious thought of the knowing of the feeling that the night WILL be longer if humans don't fall asleep, and so it will be longer to waking up and getting to work because its really not very pleasing to be squashed in a school bus and struggling not to fall over or knock your knees on his knees and squeezing your butt so it will not touch hers. A child who has not been disappointed before is like a housefly in front of a glass, the future is bright but can the fly get out? Hopeless. I dont do the things i used to do anymore because now im doing the things im doing, but it seems that i really dread becoming older, because that would mean getting closer to failing in being the youngest accomplisher? But what is it that you exactly want to accomplish you have no idea. Getting older means that you are getting older to achieve whatever you want to achieve. And that is bad, because someone else could have achieved it younger than you. Suck thumb!
I blog but you don't have to understand.
Monday, January 17, 2011
11:00 PM
Take Charge of your self, your soul, your life. Because nobody will, more than yourself
worry when you worry, and happy when you happy.
Happy is like a verb, that explains the english structure above.
Letting go is not a best choice, because I just look at them secretly and feel happy. Why don't I wanna join their happiness?
I blog but you don't have to understand.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
9:18 PM
Don't bother please Incident #1 Sometimes we just get pissed at people who make really idiotic remarks or ask really stupid questions. Like OBVIOUSLY. Stupid boy " You wanna join?" Do I have a choice. Idiot.
Incident #2 they behaved like a couple. I thought the girl had a boyfriend. aiya, not my problem. Anyway people my age all behave like they are couples what!
I blog but you don't have to understand.
Friday, January 14, 2011
11:20 PM
It will end The good thing about endings is that every bad thing will come to an end. As long you hold on there, it will end, soon. Hang on!
I blog but you don't have to understand.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
9:30 PM
I've been going there I question myself the reason why I've been going. Would have been purely a waste of time if it's the old me. But it seems that I am looking for someone who needed to meet someone like myself at that point of time. Though I didn't meet any, but it felt great sharing your opinion with people who bothered to listen. I think human love to find people like yourself, it just feels good to have another soul who's in the same plight, isn't it.
I dislike your high profile. Everywhere I go, I meet people who know you. What exactly are you trying to be? Some superstar is it. Is like I don't really dislike you, I just dislike your approval of your fan club. Hur hur.
I dislike your dirty face when you look at me. Because you are so irksome, and I have no idea what's in that shit brain of yours.
I dislike the way you touch them all over and giggle like a .
You know when there are so many dislikes about the people surrounding you, life goes on.
I blog but you don't have to understand.
Sunday, January 09, 2011
12:33 AM
Redundant thoughts Thinking about the people whom I've exchanged looks with, but will never meet again. Thinking about the people whom I've exchanged words with, but will never meet again. Thinking about the people whom I've exchanged numbers with, but will never meet again. Thinking about the people whom I've shared memories with, but will never meet again.
Thinking about the people whom I will meet again, but will never see them in the same light again.
Once it's lost, it's lost; some things.
like innocence, childhood, trust and also knowledge.
Knowing is like having rang the bell. You cannot unring it, just like how you cannot don't know something you know. But you can choose to forget it. But some things, you just cannot forget it.
I blog but you don't have to understand.
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
11:05 PM
A true friend is an honest friend Everyone says they like frank and honest people. But really, how many people can really take it when people smack the truth in their face?
A told me one enlightening day, that humans love to hear lies. We just pretend that they are true, but deep inside we all know. But gosh, that must be damn deep. "kids never lie" "thats why fangxian should start to realise she is not a kid anymore"
But Ignorance is not bliss, but fear and cruelty.
I still smack truth on people's face, but maybe I won't do it with one tight hard smack. Maybe slapping a bit at a time would be good enough.
Just saying :)
Amusing how "just saying" with a smiley at the back, always seem to lighten things up. But they seem to be there just like any signing off notes, like for show, but it helps because "im just saying". Deep inside you want people to take it to heart, but you show as if you don't really want. Same case as "just asking" or "just curious". Oh comeon, interested to know then ask. ask then ask, say lah. curious say curious la. what JUST ONLY.
Haha.
I blog but you don't have to understand.
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
8:36 PM
Thankful Today I am thankful that spent a night doing project with my groupmates, for it means I have groupmates as steady as I am. I am thankful that I felt tired, for it means I have things to be busy with in my life. I am thankful that I feel pain from braces rubbing against inner mouth, for it means I am on my way to straight teeth. I am thankful that my week is already packed, for it means I have planned my life. I am thankful that I have presentation tomorrow, for it means I get to dress up formal and put on a show of acting serious. I am thankful that I am eating tau huey plus barley now, for it means I was lucky as it was the last bowl left to takeaway. I am thankful that when we thought we finished our project, the consultation with our teacher made us realise we got half the presentation wrong, for it means we had a chance to get it right for the real thing.
Life is about feeling gratitude, for the littlest things in life.
I blog but you don't have to understand.
2:31 AM
Overnight at Changi Am sitting at T2 Starbucks now, with white chocolate mocha in my stomach about 3hours ago. And Beef flavour nissin magee in my stomach about an hour ago. The beef flavour isnt as satisfying as the tomyam or the chilli crab one, but nevertheless still yummy much in this cold place.
Great for reflection and heart to heart talk. But oh, I am here with my project mates to do some last minute work for some just-realised-it's due-so-soon work.
5 hours ago, was packing my bag for the day and left the house at night as though it was morning. The feel, feels weird. 7 hours ago, was at rp meeting the sales peeps.
Getting disappointed with some little things that people are doing.
But oh well, if they don't care about me, why should I care about them :)
I blog but you don't have to understand.
Sunday, January 02, 2011
11:21 PM
Holiday ends. Today marks the second day of a brand new year, and also the last day of snuggling warmly in the bed, under my invincible blanket and pretending that no monsters can ever hurt me.
For school starts tomorrow, as well as following up customers for sales.
Honestly speaking, poly is very fun and not as taxing as secondary school was. Perhaps due to change of my own mindset, or perhaps studying something that I feel is useful, or maybe because of the frequent holiday intervals. Like holidays really mean to relax and go play, not to do holiday homework. That's why I said before, poly is like strolling in the garden and there's time to smell the flowers. Whereas JuniorCollege is running through the park. Both have pros and cons. Generally happy with poly life and feel that this period would perhaps be the best part of my life, experiencing so many new things and meeting so many new people. Poly makes you feel very independent, maybe because its like a public place with many young people. Decisions and discipline matters are really self-induced, so somtimes I would think it takes alot to be erm, disciplined. Thats why people like me don't even care about going in late for exams, but nevermind, it's the results that count in the end. Life is very comfortable in poly, so you gotta make sure you don't lose your focus because many people do, don't they?
Went for a jog today, was a heartwarming sight seeing so many people flying kite. Then again, it was also a sight of authority being challenged, either that, or simply just Singaporeans bochup (heckcare) attitude. Because, behind a sign of "NO KITE FLYING." were hundreds of colorful joyous kites flying in the air. Flying a kite is really inspiring because I can relate kite flying well to relationships issues. You have to let go at times, and also roll in and pull it tight at times. Freedom and control, two important factors that not many of us can have the ability to display it in our lives in the right ratio.
It takes 21 days to build a habit. I'm gonna build jogging as my habit, starting from today.
I blog but you don't have to understand.
2:56 AM
The yearning of the soul. Spent the first day of a brand new year sleeping. Am glad I joined the small company family and had the chance to eat free shark's fin and lobster etc for dinner on New Year's Eve. I like to see fireworks because when they sparkle in front of your eyes, it almost seem as if there is hope for everything. However, the smoke that comes after the shimmers worry me, because I think of all the negative externalities. The air pollution it could bring. The idea that all could be false hope, sucks.
2010 was amazing and 2011 will be even more awesome I hope.
Which girl wouldn't yearn to be comfortably placed in a convertible, with wind blowing through her hair, with the thought of being driven to a countryside, with just the blue sky, the green grass, You, and I.
I blog but you don't have to understand.
Hi, I'm FangXian
and I believe in
Mind over body, Heart over mind.
I ♥ happy people
Happy is a virtue :D
but life is not just abt being happy
it's about doing what you never thought you could.
This is just a space to share weird thoughts.
