Tuesday, January 03, 2012

11:13 PM

No motivation to really study anymore

I don't know what could be the reason.

Is it because
I started clubbing and partying?
of the breakdown that happened to my close friend?
I am sick of being stereotyped as the damn smart in poly? (little did they know how things were like in secondary school. NEVER got the feeling of topping in class)
I have settled for less since tertiary education is ending? (yr 2 sem 2 term 2 now)
I really just more and more lazy?
I realised there is really not much difference between that forced A or that really deserving A?


Not really studying doesn't mean throwing in the towel and just let it go. That's stupid, because I've come a long way LOL. I guess there's always period of time students feel like this, study what for? Am glad there are a few people (one?) I can confide in, schoolmates who feel the same really keeps your heart going.


Aiya, I will still get my grades in the end. Because I want to can party and can study. I can and I will.


Anyway this place is quite deserted because I don't like the idea of being attached to anything, or anyone. Also, the main point about keeping this space is not to make it commercialised or even share thoughts, it's just a little part of me I wanna keep for myself? in the future. That explains why it is not deleted.

Some jobs came across my mind. Ain't really careers which I will settle for for my whole life, but I would love to work as those, at least try working before I die. I think grow older already, more mature, not like last time will say "zookeeper" -.-


1. Private Investigator
This thought came today at Coffee Bean while eating my Salmon Scramble alone. It really suits me, esp my weird personality I think. Like I can go places alone and adapt easily, not feel awkward. I am very aware of my surroundings and normally I am the one who will spot people before they spot me. Over the years I thought this was quite bad because I thought I should just focus on doing what I want in public places and not be SO AWARE of my surroundings. Now I think it's a skill OMG :D I keep so many secrets please. I am like a rock, not very emotional. So when confidential affairs come in, I can draw lines.

2. Article Journalist? Like just share thoughts to people to inspire, to put that thinking cap on people's head (if literally, so cute!) Will hone the skill to express myself better as well. So many theories and thoughts if I could put them all in organized words and share with the world, that would be so pleasing!



2012 Resolutions (yeah so lame, always thought resolutions were stupid pointless stuff. Because I'm like a rock. If you wanna do something, do it. LOL)

-run at least twice a week
-club at most once a week
-do not hesitate fitting in more useful things into schedule (not like I don't already but oh..)
-Think less, do more (don't know whether this is good, for some stuff I guess)
-Stretch and be more flexible (I want to straighten my back leg for scorpion and be able to stand up from bridging without wall support!)
-Train to do pull ups (fuck the fact that so many people say my biceps big ok. somemore they look like fats to me walau)
-Speak nicely to everyone (failed already, just quarreled because my mum thinks she's right about putting nail polish so near me then I knock it and broke it)
-Bother more about people, even irritating ones. (I don't know if this is right. But I actually thought about my life and "Jar of hearts" and I feel like I also quite like that. Who do I think I am? Running round leaving scars, collecting my jar of hearts? But if I bother, wouldn't it be leaving more scars? argh)

I blog but you don't have to understand.