=)

No motivation to really study anymore

2012-01-03T23:13:00.003+08:00

I don't know what could be the reason.

Is it because
I started clubbing and partying?
of the breakdown that happened to my close friend?
I am sick of being stereotyped as the damn smart in poly? (little did they know how things were like in secondary school. NEVER got the feeling of topping in class)
I have settled for less since tertiary education is ending? (yr 2 sem 2 term 2 now)
I really just more and more lazy?
I realised there is really not much difference between that forced A or that really deserving A?

Not really studying doesn't mean throwing in the towel and just let it go. That's stupid, because I've come a long way LOL. I guess there's always period of time students feel like this, study what for? Am glad there are a few people (one?) I can confide in, schoolmates who feel the same really keeps your heart going.

Aiya, I will still get my grades in the end. Because I want to can party and can study. I can and I will.

Anyway this place is quite deserted because I don't like the idea of being attached to anything, or anyone. Also, the main point about keeping this space is not to make it commercialised or even share thoughts, it's just a little part of me I wanna keep for myself? in the future. That explains why it is not deleted.

Some jobs came across my mind. Ain't really careers which I will settle for for my whole life, but I would love to work as those, at least try working before I die. I think grow older already, more mature, not like last time will say "zookeeper" -.-

1. Private Investigator
This thought came today at Coffee Bean while eating my Salmon Scramble alone. It really suits me, esp my weird personality I think. Like I can go places alone and adapt easily, not feel awkward. I am very aware of my surroundings and normally I am the one who will spot people before they spot me. Over the years I thought this was quite bad because I thought I should just focus on doing what I want in public places and not be SO AWARE of my surroundings. Now I think it's a skill OMG :D I keep so many secrets please. I am like a rock, not very emotional. So when confidential affairs come in, I can draw lines.

2. Article Journalist? Like just share thoughts to people to inspire, to put that thinking cap on people's head (if literally, so cute!) Will hone the skill to express myself better as well. So many theories and thoughts if I could put them all in organized words and share with the world, that would be so pleasing!

2012 Resolutions (yeah so lame, always thought resolutions were stupid pointless stuff. Because I'm like a rock. If you wanna do something, do it. LOL)

-run at least twice a week
-club at most once a week
-do not hesitate fitting in more useful things into schedule (not like I don't already but oh..)
-Think less, do more (don't know whether this is good, for some stuff I guess)
-Stretch and be more flexible (I want to straighten my back leg for scorpion and be able to stand up from bridging without wall support!)
-Train to do pull ups (fuck the fact that so many people say my biceps big ok. somemore they look like fats to me walau)
-Speak nicely to everyone (failed already, just quarreled because my mum thinks she's right about putting nail polish so near me then I knock it and broke it)
-Bother more about people, even irritating ones. (I don't know if this is right. But I actually thought about my life and "Jar of hearts" and I feel like I also quite like that. Who do I think I am? Running round leaving scars, collecting my jar of hearts? But if I bother, wouldn't it be leaving more scars? argh)

Take it like a man

2011-12-12T01:55:00.002+08:00

The man is happy because everyone around him is.

"Go Australia study, immediately get one car to drive around, what's there to be not happy about"

I realised it is not possible to be thoroughly happy, if people around you aren't. You may be feeling jovial and contented with life, but if the people around you, the people you cherish, the people who had made a difference in your life, if they are in misery, there is no fucking way you can be happy thoroughly. The heart hurts, hurts so much, for them.

I wonder what is wrong, with the cheating hearts of youth nowadays. And I'm the one feeling the pain. They cheat people's hearts, cheat their own hearts, what the fuck is wrong.

And how come I get exposed to so many. Suddenly my close friend lost it all, lost to a freaking exam? WTF. Someone so jovial so chirpy so excited about life just suddenly became a pile of mess who don't have the confidence to give credit to her own work, becoming so easily manipulated by the external factors. And it feels like.. like I've lost a friend. But I'm gonna get her back.

Suddenly something happened came to light because someone trustable became a despicable creep, who was devastated because he made someone lose it all. I can feel he's broken now, but it's not like he's the one who deserves the sympathy in the first place. On the appearance it could be me saying what happened was not important and what matters is what happens from now. But truth is, someone like that could never be looked upon in the same light again.

Youths all make mistakes once or twice in our lives. But the extent of the mistakes sometimes is so great that once the vase breaks, you can never glue it back like it's new again. never.

Organizing an event has become something that brings about satisfaction. The nerves that it provokes, especially just before an event, that excitement when you know people are excited about something you've planned. It all feels good. Even though I feel like I'm the only one holding things up currently, things will work out.

And then I remember about what someone told me a few years back, about drowning your sorrows in studies. There are so many troubles to worry about, but if there's nothing you could do about them, stop wasting time and put your focus on studying. Gotta get through these 4 days. Just four days, I can do this.

When darkness comes to light, it ends tonight.

Who says

2011-03-29T22:40:00.002+08:00

I dont like the way people who speaks on behalf of me without even knowing if I want it spoken like that, who speaks one thing and do another, who speak assuredly but doesnt produce quality assured work and results, who speak of one but does not look at self, who speak of only dirty thoughts. I wonder if they know they are speaking like that. Obviously not.

Get a hammer

2011-03-19T14:28:00.003+08:00

I realised I have the ability to link people together, to make people feel included in a group.
But I lack the skill to make myself feel included and involved.

It's proven that guys are superficial and girls are materialistic, another addition to my personal theory.

There seems to be a force driving each thing happening, and sometimes it almost seem as if I can predict who's gonna quit because it's so obvious. Sometimes even though she has so much passion for it, the unfavourable external circumstance causes things to change, and then she quits because she couldn't get a chance. But then again, if she wants it badly enough, she might have stayed.
The brickwall thing again.
But who on earth has such deep powers to hit down every single breakwalls in her life,
and has it ever occured to you that some people live their lives with no brick walls.

Jovial nature.
hmm.
haha.

Scrambled eggs, scrambled thoughts

2011-03-01T01:34:00.004+08:00

Unwilling to make sacrifices, yet unwilling to drop expectations.
Didn't sacrifice, but still able to get results.
Luck? Smart?
But deep inside I don't approve of of my laziness.
There's exam tomorrow.
And I am so happy here I got to Level 21 of Tetris Battle 6P.
I feel so bad. For not focusing.
It's like knowing what you came here for in the first place, but didn't act as if you really cared.
And I see no point in reaching 15minutes earlier than stated time. But nevermind.
Spotted something no one would ever notice.
Love that satisfying feeling.
Childish and stupid.
Don't we all know it's much easier to learn things when we were young?
But the trade-off is that we didn't know that when we were young.
Want so much of everything.
But as I grow I realise wanting a little of everything will just make you a nothing.
The feeling is like,
the egg in the lukewarm water,
that never ever became even half-cooked.
And then we don't want it anymore. we keep it in the fridge.
and later on,
we gave it life by frying it.
Love typing enigmatically like that,
matches my perplexing mind,
in a confusing world like this.

I think that I am very aware of my surroundings,
like overly aware.
I notice alot of human behavior,
and it kinda sucks because I think it's very weird.
Then again
Weirdness is subjected to our own defintions.
Sleep deficit seem such a thing of the past,
but it's time I see that laze exist eternally.

We can't solve problems by using the same type of thinking we used to create them
-Albert Einstein
But it takes alot to open your mind to another perspective.
Dear friend, open your mind.
"But I'm afraid it will drop out"

Two days later, Poly Year 1 will become history.
Wow. It almost seem as if it's yesterday that
that my feelings came out from my tear ducts.
It's crazy.

I am mad afraid I won't join back again.
There are some lessons learnt, but some are too late.
It's true when they tell you to slow jog a long distance because
once you lose that momentum,
it is that hard to get back on track again.
And again, the thing is
you didn't know you would lose it when you had it.
For who
easily heed words of advice?

It's disturbing how lyrics can get to the head so much.
So much
Way easier than how facts,
political issues and national statistics can
wriggle their way and stay in your memory.
Though I really believe in human memory,
ever since how Venice worked his way into my head.
It's hell amazing how much human memory can take.
That's why I believe Granger and their friends.
HAHA. Or is it Faber.
Can't remember.
Irony created.

Sigh
I am also very disturbed by anyone affected by what they read.
It's makes me bind my thoughts,
restrain my expressions,
and afraid of consequences.
It's almost like screaming,
you might think its in your head,
but
actually it's the wrong head.

I enjoy doing things that are really conflicting
and vary in extreme measures.
But I am afraid as I grow older,
I grow more sane.
Sanity makes one insane.
Irony two created.
Because right, when you become more sane, you are afraid to allow your insane thoughts multiply,
you put a stop to it, but the feeling is insane because your insane mind is mad afraid the sane mind is gonna take over.
Truth is both minds probably don't exist.

Conflicting things make people puzzled.
I love
the mysterious feeling.
It's annoying,
it gets to you.
But it's interesting.

Then again, I am so afraid what's boring
might be what's right.

It's so easy to give money, but so hard to collect money.
This is an economic lesson everyone should learn as young as possible.

It's been long since I laughed my heart out till there's tears in my eyes.
I miss when I can come across interesting chinese phrases I don't understand,
ask Zheng Laoshi about it,
and get laughed at by the whole class.
Also miss being able to ask the china scholars how to read this word and that word.

Paedophile.

Glad I didn't make the rash decsion that day and risk
getting
murdered.

It is not from the benevolence of the butcher, or the brewer or the baker that we expect our dinner from, but from their regard to their interest.
-Adam Smith

Poly taught me so many things about life.
There are alot of things we all just do, and no one mention them.
Mentioning would equate admitting, and there are issues in life we just do,
there's no right or wrong because it's fair.
Sometimes we correct unfairness ourselves,
our own forces,
we correct them by doing unfair things,
and by tackling unfairness with unfairness,
we achieve a balance and get what we may then proclaim fairness.
And no one speaks about them anymore,
because it's fair.

And many times there are things we have to report in a certain way
in words, in accounts, in records,
a true and fair figure.
But the humanity that goes on in the deeper level
cannot be seen from the printed records.
Mostly it's not a case about allowing or disallowing in the open.
It's secretly allowing
without expressly consenting to the issue.
And that makes things fair.
Because they did not allow expressly,
but it's implied allowance.

It's a green light to go ahead,
but they don't show you that it's green yknow,
and you don't just ask if it's green.

Weird day

2011-01-30T00:13:00.002+08:00

Terribly terrified, but helpless. I understand how dramas always show it's so hard to help already. It seems like you are there you can just do something to help. But truth is we are all each a separate entity and although we are sitting together like in real life just a few centimetres away each other, but truth is we are seas apart. And I feel helpless I can't help you.

The difference between a child and an adult is that a child needs what he misses, whereas an adult misses only what he needs. As we grow, we tend to become more practical because that's how life is managed. Talk about life management. Actually, some things happen. But in reality, what is actually supposed to happen can don't happen. Talk about flexibility. Being frivolous is different from being flexible in decisions.

There were two groups. Why were there two groups?
There were two couples. Why was it that the exact moment I saw them they kissed?
There was an eye contact. Why was it that at the exact moment I looked, the other party looked back?

Shape

2011-01-25T21:36:00.002+08:00

Like it or not, what we are is partly shaped by the external environment we grew up in.
Every single thing contributes.

And I grew up in an environment
that taught me to forbid myself to grow attached to things, people, or event.

I never thought that what I am like could be attributed to what I've been through,
but the truth is we are all shaped by what we went through.
A solid shape may form over time,
but as long as the machine is strong enough,
you can be squashed into another shape.

I never rule out possibilities about life,

it's just how possible is it.

can't sleep

2011-01-20T02:27:00.000+08:00

lying on my bed listening to emo songs. i wonder if its the teh peng just now, or the bread pan snack just now, or maybe the overly hard potato salad which used to be very nice, but wasnt that nice today, i mean yesterday. Or maybe its the mixture of the not hectic, but real packed schedules. Not really taxing, but real heavy workload. Not really stressed, just a longgg to-do list. The cheesecake in the morning was nice. Or maybe its the many things ive found out today. And the impression of me that they had. Very unique, how many of such flamingoes will you meet who had their wings chopped so they could learn to fly without? Or maybe its the calves muscles that's still struggling to catch up the distance i had to walk. i feel soooo bored now, but i really wish i will wake up for the morning lecture tomorrow. Or maybe its the name that never really was mentioned, but you just had an image of him in your brain. Or maybe its the thought of remuneration on award ceremony. Or maybe how he starts looking at you since he saw you dressed up. Or maybe its the weird amount of cash deposited in your account but it doesn't tally and you cannot figure out why. Or maybe its the missing of him,her,her,her,him. And the problem of being too engaged in facebook everyday but not able to help it, and the want to one day say like how he did that i dont play facebook one. Thinking of seeing sunrise, and thought of the days when i just slacked away with you, and we went to catch falling leaves. That was when my toe was injured, but life was quite easy. But then, i was bored then too. But it was a different kind of bored. I know we can't tell the future now, but what if what if? Why do my heart feels so damn fucking empty? The night is still and quiet, but in a while, the cars will move, the flats will light up, the taps will run, but there will not be any good yummy smell of omelette, neither will there be bottle caps shaped cut out bread with goober smack peanut butter and jam. or maybe its the disturbance of your family's wealth, like the drum sets and the gym and the convertible. Or maybe its the itch of the young fearless fiery heart. i think its because the subconscious thought of the knowing of the feeling that the night WILL be longer if humans don't fall asleep, and so it will be longer to waking up and getting to work because its really not very pleasing to be squashed in a school bus and struggling not to fall over or knock your knees on his knees and squeezing your butt so it will not touch hers. A child who has not been disappointed before is like a housefly in front of a glass, the future is bright but can the fly get out? Hopeless. I dont do the things i used to do anymore because now im doing the things im doing, but it seems that i really dread becoming older, because that would mean getting closer to failing in being the youngest accomplisher? But what is it that you exactly want to accomplish you have no idea. Getting older means that you are getting older to achieve whatever you want to achieve. And that is bad, because someone else could have achieved it younger than you. Suck thumb!

Take Charge

2011-01-17T23:00:00.004+08:00

of your self, your soul, your life.
Because nobody will, more than yourself

worry when you worry, and happy when you happy.

Happy is like a verb, that explains the english structure above.

Letting go is not a best choice, because I just look at them secretly and feel happy.
Why don't I wanna join their happiness?

Don't bother please

2011-01-15T21:18:00.002+08:00

Incident #1
Sometimes we just get pissed at people who make really idiotic remarks or ask really stupid questions.
Like OBVIOUSLY.
Stupid boy " You wanna join?"
Do I have a choice. Idiot.

Incident #2
they behaved like a couple.
I thought the girl had a boyfriend.
aiya, not my problem.
Anyway people my age all behave like they are couples what!

It will end

2011-01-14T23:20:00.002+08:00

The good thing about endings is that
every bad thing will come to an end.
As long you hold on there,
it will end,
soon.
Hang on!

I've been going there

2011-01-13T21:30:00.002+08:00

I question myself the reason why I've been going. Would have been purely a waste of time if it's the old me.
But it seems that I am looking for someone who needed to meet someone like myself at that point of time.
Though I didn't meet any, but it felt great sharing your opinion with people who bothered to listen.
I think human love to find people like yourself, it just feels good to have another soul who's in the same plight, isn't it.

I dislike
your high profile.
Everywhere I go, I meet people who know you. What exactly are you trying to be? Some superstar is it.
Is like I don't really dislike you, I just dislike your approval of your fan club.
Hur hur.

I dislike
your dirty face when you look at me.
Because you are so irksome, and I have no idea what's in that shit brain of yours.

I dislike
the way you touch them all over
and giggle like a .

You know when there are so many dislikes about the people surrounding you,
life
goes
on.

Redundant thoughts

2011-01-09T00:33:00.003+08:00

Thinking about the people whom I've exchanged looks with, but will never meet again.
Thinking about the people whom I've exchanged words with, but will never meet again.
Thinking about the people whom I've exchanged numbers with, but will never meet again.
Thinking about the people whom I've shared memories with, but will never meet again.

Thinking about the people whom I will meet again, but will never see them in the same light again.

Once it's lost, it's lost;
some things.

like innocence, childhood, trust and also knowledge.

Knowing is like having rang the bell.
You cannot unring it, just like how you cannot don't know something you know.
But you can choose to forget it.
But some things, you just cannot forget it.

A true friend is an honest friend

2011-01-05T23:05:00.003+08:00

Everyone says they like frank and honest people. But really, how many people can really take it when people smack the truth in their face?

A told me one enlightening day, that humans love to hear lies. We just pretend that they are true, but deep inside we all know. But gosh, that must be damn deep.
"kids never lie"
"thats why fangxian should start to realise she is not a kid anymore"

But
Ignorance is not bliss, but fear and cruelty.

I still smack truth on people's face, but maybe I won't do it with one tight hard smack.
Maybe slapping a bit at a time would be good enough.

Just saying :)

Amusing how "just saying" with a smiley at the back, always seem to lighten things up. But they seem to be there just like any signing off notes, like for show, but it helps because "im just saying". Deep inside you want people to take it to heart, but you show as if you don't really want. Same case as "just asking" or "just curious".
Oh comeon, interested to know then ask. ask then ask, say lah. curious say curious la. what JUST ONLY.

Haha.

Thankful

2011-01-04T20:36:00.002+08:00

Today
I am thankful that spent a night doing project with my groupmates, for it means I have groupmates as steady as I am.
I am thankful that I felt tired, for it means I have things to be busy with in my life.
I am thankful that I feel pain from braces rubbing against inner mouth, for it means I am on my way to straight teeth.
I am thankful that my week is already packed, for it means I have planned my life.
I am thankful that I have presentation tomorrow, for it means I get to dress up formal and put on a show of acting serious.
I am thankful that I am eating tau huey plus barley now, for it means I was lucky as it was the last bowl left to takeaway.
I am thankful that when we thought we finished our project, the consultation with our teacher made us realise we got half the presentation wrong, for it means we had a chance to get it right for the real thing.

Life is about feeling gratitude, for the littlest things in life.

Overnight at Changi

2011-01-04T02:31:00.002+08:00

Am sitting at T2 Starbucks now,
with white chocolate mocha in my stomach about 3hours ago.
And Beef flavour nissin magee in my stomach about an hour ago.
The beef flavour isnt as satisfying as the tomyam or the chilli crab one, but nevertheless still yummy much in this cold place.

Great for reflection and heart to heart talk.
But oh, I am here with my project mates to do some last minute work for some just-realised-it's due-so-soon work.

5 hours ago, was packing my bag for the day and left the house at night as though it was morning. The feel, feels weird.
7 hours ago, was at rp meeting the sales peeps.

Getting disappointed with some little things that people are doing.

But oh well,
if they don't care about me, why should I care about them :)

Holiday ends.

2011-01-02T23:21:00.004+08:00

Today marks the second day of a brand new year, and also the last day of snuggling warmly in the bed, under my invincible blanket and pretending that no monsters can ever hurt me.

For school starts tomorrow,
as well as following up customers for sales.

Honestly speaking, poly is very fun and not as taxing as secondary school was. Perhaps due to change of my own mindset, or perhaps studying something that I feel is useful, or maybe because of the frequent holiday intervals.
Like holidays really mean to relax and go play, not to do holiday homework. That's why I said before, poly is like strolling in the garden and there's time to smell the flowers. Whereas JuniorCollege is running through the park. Both have pros and cons. Generally happy with poly life and feel that this period would perhaps be the best part of my life, experiencing so many new things and meeting so many new people. Poly makes you feel very independent, maybe because its like a public place with many young people. Decisions and discipline matters are really self-induced, so somtimes I would think it takes alot to be erm, disciplined. Thats why people like me don't even care about going in late for exams, but nevermind, it's the results that count in the end. Life is very comfortable in poly, so you gotta make sure you don't lose your focus because many people do, don't they?

Went for a jog today, was a heartwarming sight seeing so many people flying kite. Then again, it was also a sight of authority being challenged, either that, or simply just Singaporeans bochup (heckcare) attitude. Because,
behind a sign of "NO KITE FLYING." were hundreds of colorful joyous kites flying in the air. Flying a kite is really inspiring because I can relate kite flying well to relationships issues. You have to let go at times, and also roll in and pull it tight at times. Freedom and control, two important factors that not many of us can have the ability to display it in our lives in the right ratio.

It takes 21 days to build a habit.
I'm gonna build jogging as my habit, starting from today.

The yearning of the soul.

2011-01-02T02:56:00.003+08:00

Spent the first day of a brand new year sleeping.
Am glad I joined the small company family and had the chance to eat free shark's fin and lobster etc for dinner on New Year's Eve.
I like to see fireworks because when they sparkle in front of your eyes, it almost seem as if there is hope for everything.
However, the smoke that comes after the shimmers worry me, because I think of all the negative externalities. The air pollution it could bring. The idea that all could be false hope, sucks.

2010 was amazing and 2011 will be even more awesome I hope.

Which girl wouldn't yearn to be comfortably placed in a convertible, with wind blowing through her hair,
with the thought of being driven to a countryside, with just
the blue sky,
the green grass,
You,
and I.

age is a rough gauge, i cant remember well.

2010-11-30T00:12:00.002+08:00

When i was eight, having the eraser that could spin the longest was cool.
When i was nine, having a brother in upper pri was cool.
When i was ten, writing with a pen was cool.
When i was eleven, having membership clubs for your friends was cool. (i had hamtaro club ok)
When i was twelve, it was cool to be the oldest in school.
When i was thirteen, it wasnt that cool to be youngest ard in school again.
When i was fourteen, wearing ankle socks was cool.
When i was fifteen, using handphone in class was cool.
When i was sixteen,graduating from secondary school was cool.
Im seventeen now, i dont really know what's cool anynore. Maybe being happy is cool.

Once in a while

2010-11-24T18:27:00.004+08:00

It's alright to feel lazy once in a while, and do absolutely nothing.
Also, once in a while,
it's alright to tell a white lie.
it's alright to think bad thoughts.
it's alright to be indulge in the glittery world.

But it's good to keep in mind that it's only alright if it's once in a while.
You see, why people differ,
is exactly because we all have a different perception of "a while"
A while may be a day for you, but may be a month for me, and a year for another.

I wonder if

2010-11-15T19:35:00.002+08:00

you have any figure in your life
who has impacted you greatly?

That's the best epitome of a great (i wouldn't say teacher) but inspiring figure,
when the words he/she say left a print in your heart,
and one year later you still nod at her words as if it was just yesterday you heard it.

Impressive feeling.
Feels good too.

I have never really told her how much she has impacted me, but it doesn't really matter if she knows or not.
It's not really about meeting up and staying in contact and updating lives. All the overrated things people do nowadays in the name of keeping the relationship going. It really really doesn't matter. It's more about what you take away from the brief meeting with that someone in your life and what you continue bringing on as you walk the rest of the path of your life.

Yeap, I am thinking of Mok's words again.
Like about punctuality is a habit,
like bigger fishes in the sea,
like how teachers are expected to be comedians,
like how we are now a society that is attracted by the glittery falsity of the commercial world,
like how its so much that people can do for you, and the rest is up to yourself,
like if you don't even have textbook with you, how serious are you about studying.

Forget trying to figure them out, you wont't understand.
I'm just stating them out briefly so that I can look back and HMMMS.

My blog is never meant to be a two-way channel whereby I blog, attract your attention, you ask questions and I answer them. That's exactly how a social commercial site works, and the basis of why online advertising works.

My blog is not like that.
It's a one way channel. Where I blog, I understand, you read, you think. It's somewhere where I can blabber weird stuffs and not having people saying they are lame, because it really isn't stuff written for you, unlike when I speak to you, you can call me stupid,lame and lame,stupid. HAHAHAHAH. You can read it, but it's like reading a book written by an author who is dead. Just read, you may infer, but no questions asked. :)

:o

2010-11-14T03:46:00.001+08:00

Ten over one hundred times forty-six
Equals to
4.6
Round up gives
5

So little.

2010-11-08T12:37:00.000+08:00

sigh, theyall studydamnhard.

Ever felt like

2010-11-04T22:14:00.003+08:00

different people see you so differently?

Like,
some people see you only at certain times, and just right, coincidence or luck or unlucky or whatever,
he just sees you always being around with guys and he concludes you are a fucking bitch.
you know he thinks it,
but you can't do anything about it because
there is no apparent misunderstanding,
just a mere judgement made in the heart of an acquaintance.

So insignificant,
yet it matters
to you.
Somewhat.

What to do?
Dismiss your thoughts about his thoughts about you,
and
life
goes
on.

17,18,19

2010-11-03T23:27:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I feel I can't connect with people my age.
I cannot empathize with some of them when they feel they deserve something which they don't.
I cannot understand their definition of fun.

Sometimes I am ashamed of what people my age do.
Sometimes I am afraid of kids my own age.

Skinship, alcohol, cigarettes.

We are like wildbirds, and we fly across the road,

To get ice cream.
To catch a movie.

Vans, Sperry, Toms, Lee Cooper.

We look like each other.

And I question myself

2010-11-03T00:16:00.003+08:00

What do I reallllyy want?

Oh my god.

It's driving me crazy,

how much I want it,
yet I'm terribly terrified of the commitment.

Everything is still in place, in plan.

Slacking may be fun, but it does not provide the immense feel of satisfaction like I get after a super stretching, PT, and training.

Sometimes I think everything is just in my head.
like in my head.
Sigh,

JUST GO ONLY.
after that concert.
One thing at a time okay, I'm just a small girl, cannot handle shit like this. fuck I don't want to be a small girl who can't handle shit.

JUST SAYING
:)
ARGHHH

Icecream don't make me that happy anymore.
It's chicken floss plus egg/ cheese pancake that makes me happy.
ooohh, as we grow...

As we grow up

2010-10-21T23:49:00.002+08:00

we realise
what happens at first is always not the same as what happens in the end.
it is damn hard for the first to be the last,
therefore, im gonna show you that
things can be damn hard, but possible.

2010-10-20T11:45:00.002+08:00

I thought that not letting you know would be better, because then you don't have to worry.
But it seems that the more you don't know, the more you worry.
But the more you know, the more you will worry.

Really don't know what to do.
If only there's ample of trust,
then I wouldn't have to worry about you worrying.

A good news make a good night.

2010-10-20T01:00:00.002+08:00

HAHAHHAAHA.
Heaven is not blind omgomgomg.
It's like plotting such an exciting show for me to watch.
Can't wait.

Excited for school

Resounding, stern and assured no.

2010-10-19T00:04:00.003+08:00

Just a few mintues ago I was wondering about the question that was once again posed to me,
caught unaware at a bus stop,
I rewind and replayed the whole scene in my head,
and I am glad as I recalled,
I recalled myself
answering with a no.
I did not regret.

Thank god. (am a free thinker here though)
Then a few mintues ago I thought how long would the resounding no in my heart to that question last,
and I almost convinced myself that it might not last long.
Bullshit.

I looked through pictures of the last few months in facebook.
And thank god (just a figure of speech)
the resounding no is still thudding in my heart.

As for whether it will stay, it is up to me to decide.
As for whether I have wasted anything, it is up to me to decide.

The heart gotta stay strong.
So that you can tell people your choice is right,
and you know its right.

Think about what would I be thinking about if I hadnt made that choice. Terrible, I would be feeling like a slug now. HAHAHAHAHAH. Right.

What are the 3 most important decisions that had played an important role in defining your life, up till now?
There are definite moments when you make some decisions, and they change alot of you. Don't they?
I'm lazy to think about mine lah, going to eat tauhuey now.
My brother is so nice because he just bought back rocher tauhuey.
I think he reads this.
So Im very nice to say that he is nice.
Then when he reads this he will come and ask me why not tell him in the face.
Because
I shy.

Sometimes

2010-10-17T15:52:00.003+08:00

there are some things,
that we have to choose
to
give up
for a while,
because we cannot put in time.
It is not like those minor things
where we can choose to just hang on there for a bit here
and a bit there.
it's either go all the way or give it up for a while.

So yea~

But it's okay,
now I will have more time to focus on many other things.

And I'll be sure if I go back,
I will go back as a stronger one.

And for I know what I'm giving it up for,
so I will go all the way for the thing which I've decided to not give up.
Which is the first thing.
And
life is all about
putting first things first.

Hooray.

I had a great day.

2010-10-11T23:02:00.004+08:00

Today is quite a rest day, after a week of adventure camp in Jeram Besu, Pahang
(in which loads of cheering and bonding took place, camp games, paintball, water rafting, building tripod, water confidence, cave exploring, abseiling on natural rock, flying fox, partner flying fox, bump motor boats, four wheel truck drive like shiok only! like arcade games in real life!, waterfall water playing, nightwalk in a raining forest, my first real big campfire)

and then a week of partayys and stayovers, more like playovers. Because we ton and didn't sleep, so they aren't sleepovers.

Today was mainly made up of eat, facial, packing for camp, sleep, eat, shop, and spending time with blood related peeps.

Today was good because

I realised that just when I thought everything was over, and that there is no more chance anymore, and we would have to live like that all the way till we die, POOF something comes up and changes alot alot alot of things. It's like a feeling that gives me hope, and faith about some things I have long given up in life. Touched much.

I realised that some people just don't care about how mean they are, they could have, but they didn't and they made it so so so obvious that I'm but a background. Fuck my life to be in that picture with them. Sluts. At least whores get paid, seriously.

I realised that friends in life are mainly divided into two categories, and they are fun friends, and heart friends. And you draw a Venn diagram, and when you found someone who falls into both categories. fun+heart friends, then they become real friends.

I realised that you plan and manage your own time, and making time for people that matters is all that matter. And if things clashes, and you choose to go for the event that you are going for, because the benefits offsets the opportunity cost, then the unchosen activity immediately becomes the sunk cost and you shouldn't be thinking about it anymore, but instead put your heart in the activity that you have chosen because the choice was yours, and your heart should be with your choice.

I also realised that it's fucking time to take good care of my face. Water. sleep. No oil and chilli. Do or die.

I also! realised that sometimes, some unity, is all a scam. I mean why do you say we are one, and then you make that kind of move, like like a terrorist. It is not a normal human social behavior anymore. Really depressing, but I have to maintain my cool, because I am a mature lady and not some kid who really wants to pull you into that dark alley and scream fuck you in your face.

HAHAHA KTHXBYE.

Superpowers

2010-10-10T23:06:00.002+08:00

If you could fly, where would you fly to?
If you could turn invisible, what would you do?
If you could heal, would you do it for money? Would you heal your greatest enemy? Your most hated person?
If you could make people do your bidding, would you do it for power? for status? for money?
Would you kill, would you harm, would you still have a heart?
If you could read minds, how would you feel if you can't change minds?

Why the fuck do we want super powers? when they are not exactly that useful, are they?

2010-10-09T15:29:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I feel so depressed (like Clarisse) knowing about what people my age do.
They play hard, but they do not work hard.
They eat the food from the fields but do not plough the fields.
Some are fed from golden spoons, since they were young, but they do not know who or how the gold was mined.

Quit

2010-10-04T02:07:00.004+08:00

I've been trying so hard to be a superwoman,
I realise I cannot have all my cake and eat them all.
I just, can't finish all the cake.
All the cake.

So, I'm gonna quit.
Because I'm not willing to put time into it.
So, there is simply no point doing things half heartedly,
going each time feeling like a dead corspe,
and feeling so
uneasy,
frustrated.

It was hell loads of good experience.
Maybe I will be back, in half a year's time.
Back a stronger, more powerful person.

Quitting hurts.
Staying on hurts more.
The benefits of the consequences of my actions more than offsets the opportunity cost of my actions,
therefore, my decision is correct.

Sometimes it's so accurate

2010-10-03T13:26:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I choose not to believe such intepretations, because then it would mean that everyone on Earth can be simply grouped into such categories, I would love to think that life isn't that simple. Character and personality is made up much more than that - a mere birthdate and place.
But sometimes again, it speaks so deep of yourself.

http://abacusastrology.co.uk/atlas.asp
nah, go play.

Born under the sign of Cancer, you are emotional by nature and quite sensitive, but this is covered by a hard and tough exterior, your own protective shell.
Being averse to the responsibility for taking action, you tend to withdraw rather than make decisions. Learn to think for yourself
Emotionally you are reserved and cautious. This might lead to loneliness at times, since you have some difficulty in projecting warmth and tenderness. You are serious and more concerned with achieving goals and objectives than many others, and you want to be recognized as a capable and independent individual. This is not a bad trait, but try not to look down your nose at other people's suggestions.
Self-expression is blocked by emotional hangups or habit patterns that may be inherited or conditioned by past events. Family and domestic affairs keep you from developing the way you would like. The conditions in your early family environment may have caused difficulties in understanding and getting along with the opposite sex. In these relationships you can be too argumentative and defensive. You may need to get the chip off your shoulder sometimes. This aspect suggests a conflict between the ego and the emotions. There is a presence of tension between your outer and inner self.
You have strong feelings, but these feelings are controlled and constructive. In general, you deal with people well. You can be firm and forceful without becoming abusive and violent. You express a self-confidence that assures you won't be threatened by associates or competitors. You have the need to fight for what is right, but you do so in a fair and evenhanded way. Actions are unbiased and just.

Mentality & communication
You have lot of imagination, and most probably a superb memory, but you can be a bit biased in your opinions, because your emotions often interfere with your ability to make logical appraisals. It is very likely that you are somewhat sentimental and look back to the "good old days" (even if you are still young!) with nostalgia. A certain shyness in your temperament makes you feel uncomfortable whenever you have to speak to a group of people. You have a lot to say, but you lack emotional defences against those who might disagree with you, so you tend to withdraw and sulk when verbally attacked.
You have a gift for communicating in a pleasant manner, and you might have a special talent for writing or composing music. You know how to say the right thing to people, and get along with almost anyone because you understand the art of compromise. This doesn't mean that you always give in, rather that you have the ability to win people over with a special charm when the need arises, and be very easy-going when you decide it is appropriate.

Love, marriage & social relations
You are truly loving and affectionate, and appreciate beautiful things, art and music. You are constant in your affections and loyal to your commitments in partnerships, but you can easily become too possessive towards your loved ones. Keep in mind that you cannot own another person. You have a very sensuous way of expressing love, but are a little cautious, and will not rush into a relationship before you feel you are ready. Your personal relationships are maybe best served when your partner has the ability to earn a good living, as going without the comforts of life is especially painful to you.
A negative aspect formed between Venus and Saturn shows difficulties in relationships. Because of this, you can be left out of the mainstream of social life sometimes. You have a melancholy disposition resulting in a shyness, or a formal and stiff manner of presenting yourself. You find it hard to meet people half way, perhaps because you fear rejection. A defensive attitude must be overcome. You have such a high degree of tension and anxiety that is hard for you to relax.

Career & ambition
The Aquarius influence in the tenth house denotes original and inventive approach to the career and life work. Uranus, the ruler of Aquarius, is the planet of change, freedom, humanity, and rebellion. You may have new and ingenious ideas to present the public. You are a team player and function well as a part of the team. Your goals are likely to be stated in advance, and your aim will be accomplishments producing publicly useful results. The tenth house Aquarius personality is inclined to a public life. You may be involved in many humanitarian ventures if you are in touch with that part of your nature. Yet, you are likely to feel a real sense of reluctance to the "glare and scare" connected with public recognition. There is a natural reluctance in your personality to risk-taking in the career. This must be overcome to achieve true success and measure up to your potential. You must be willing to take chances. No matter what career you finally choose, your special inventive quality will be stamped on the end product.

Other traits
You are kind and generous, and have a warm, loving quality. You desire pleasure and fun, and keenly appreciate all the finer elements of life. Comfort, elegance and life quality are all important to you. This could mean that you have a tendency to take life sitting down, not being very good at accepting challenge and finding a clear direction in life. Other people are important to you, and you are always willing to make concessions to people in order to win their continuing approval of you.
You have a rational, logical and positive manner, and don't like having to depend on others for anything. You are usually able to take a detached view of your own psychological problems, and while there may not be a great deal of flexibility in your attitude of mind, you have the ability to counter what is wrong by using stronger and more positive characteristics and traits. You tend to be quite individual, and don't accept overconventional or well-established ideas or outmoded concepts.

Today

2010-09-25T23:20:00.004+08:00

Today, I've learnt that
we should not readily take on responsibilities if we are not certain of our capability to complete the assigned task.

For if we do, we will be irresponsible.

I was lucky
help was offered.

What would I do, if it wasnt?

Backroll.

2010-09-22T00:29:00.003+08:00

In the beginning, we tend to feel tensed and apprehensive about the things we never thought we could do,
we can try once or twice,
and conclude that we cannot do it,
just because we haven't tried hard enough.
Or we can try it again and again and again,
until we slowly get the hang of it,
and when he's there to give you the final push you need,
you feel so happy because you can do it.

The bestest thing is you never thought you could.

The bestest thing is having the chance to make a choice.
and it is important to dare to make the right choice,
but fuck, it is difficult.

Pity.

2010-09-21T00:39:00.002+08:00

You thought that someone was strong and determined to get out of that shithole,
so you decided to help,
you put your hand in,
then she showed you that she was merely saying,
saying,
and
saying,
truth is she has gotten so used to the shithole,
so used to repeating aloud the thought of getting out,
that she don't bother to really do anything to get out anymore.

I have learnt to listen to your lies, and not take them seriously anymore.

It's pathetic that you are in a shit hole, but if you don't do anything, then you don't deserve any pity.

Continue lying to yourself and the whole world,

I can sit here and listen,

but I will no longer feel
anything.

Truth is

2010-09-20T02:11:00.006+08:00

The real reason is so superficial that it is critical for me to think up of a perfect answer to present to the whole world, so that i can be viewed as knowledgable, smart and mature.
It seems almost a crime to be thought as a wilful spoilt stupid kid.
It is, eh?
Truth is i dont have insomnia, i have a fucked up sleeping pattern.

Prick Prick

2010-09-17T01:30:00.001+08:00

Shucks,
Sometimes I blabber things out from my mouth,
and feel really bad later on,
like something pricking my heart,
because I realised what what I have splurted out
might have pricked some others' heart.

Imsomeanimsomean.
Think before you speak :(
Don't go anyhow prick prick.

A show.

2010-09-12T15:55:00.003+08:00

"You can tell yourself that you dress the way you do because it makes you happy, but the real reason of managing your appearance is to influence how others view you."
"Humans actively sell themselves every minute they are interacting with someone else."

-Scott Adams

This tallies (tally with an s) with my opinion long ago (still holding now) about how cheap facebook is, because people are selling themselves on it. I've mentioned, by putting profile pictures and having people click on your face. It's like selecting maid in maid agencies, you look at the photos and select the most harmless looking one.

That is also why it is very interesting to look at profile pictures that people pick for themselves, because when I look at profile pictures, I am not judging how good the picture is, but judging the person for what he/she wants to portray of himself/herself.
Even more fun if I know the person personally, then I could compare what he wants to portray of himself with his real self, sometimes i marvel at how large the difference is. haha.

But I guess the benefits of social networking are far more obvious than the harm that it could bring, that is why we are all trapped in it. No one our generation looks at things in the long term anyway.

Cool?

2010-09-11T00:50:00.002+08:00

"In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better each day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in a luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm!"

-Woody Allen

Embrace solitude.

2010-09-10T00:20:00.002+08:00

Sometimes your dreams are too far away, it seems hard to talk to people.
Different people, different perspectives, different views, different wants.

It is important to advise, not nag.

And run the race yourself.
In the end it is up to them if they want to follow you.

It is just like running.
There will be period of time
when you feel out of breadth,
like you can't breathe,
and you just wanna stop everything,

but soon if you hang on there,
you realise the satisfaction it brings is worth all the pain.

hardest thing to seek in life:

2010-08-28T02:00:00.001+08:00

contentment.

At a distance,

2010-08-28T00:07:00.001+08:00

everyone is a beauty.

Let's keep it at a distance.

life's a joke

2010-08-25T22:27:00.003+08:00

it's really funny.
When I think back.

(Use "I" more often, not we.
It's time we take charge of our lives.)

Two years ago, for my Chinese Oral Exam,
the topic was on YOG.
And saying the word "volunteer" in english caused me to get the grade that is a lil lesser than perfect.
And it's funny how at that time, the only thing I can think of about volunteering is picking up balls for them.
And here I am right now, having completed the whole event as a Workforce Assistant.

Five years ago, if I had just made a better choice for myself,
I would have impressed myself and many others by now.
And back then, I was running away from commitments, as usual.
Even as a kid, I was not a brave kid. Oh dear.

That's why at this moment, I know many things I am doing, I'm fufiling many of my childhood dreams, and dreams in general.
It's not too late, they say.
But it's not that easy when you haven't started early.
But it's okay if working hard means I will regret no more in the future.
We don't live to regret,

But am I working hard? Ouch.

ahh i know why.

2010-08-25T21:46:00.002+08:00

beams.

So I have been telling myself I can't decide if I want it anot.
But that's a lie.
Because now I know I really want it, and previously it was all a show of insecurity.
Perhaps I didn't dared to tell myself I want it,
because I was afraid of how I might fail.
The determination wasn't there.
But now, I know I want it.
I know it because it's something that I know when I am twenty, forty, sixty years old,
I will want to look back and
yeah I've done that before.

It feels good now that I know I want it. Though whether I get it or not might not be a matter of choice, but I'm encouraged to strive to try my very best, and now I know I will. At least now that if I failed, I will not dismiss it as something I couldn't care less about because I was half-hearted, but I will know I've tried and it means something to me.

Thanks to all the amazing youth olympics people, you've shone light on me.
esp Germany, Brazil and Mongolia.
Muahaha.

Indecisiveness is costly. they suck all the happy juice out of you.
But a costly decision cannot be made in a rush of time. Hehe.

Being young is only once. And a nice body beats anything.
Anything.

(not saying it in a "go do surgery" kind of meaning, but a "live healthily" kind of meaning, means GO AND JOG.)

I hate how
I am missing someone I don't even know so badly.

Dear heart, please tell me how do you work.

Fighting temptations is damn fun because the immense sense of satisfaction that will be brought upon you is incredulously satisfactory and yummier than the original temptations itself.
Its like a fight in a fight.
a dream in a dream.

I'm glad how such seeing-light moments occur, they are just so fairytale-like.
It's like suddenly the voice deep inside there tells you exactly what you should do.
That feels awesome.

Let's all jump off the cliffs,
and build wings on the way down.
quoted from thingsweforget.blogspot

2010-08-11T23:36:00.002+08:00

intimidated by my very own fear. i cant do it. it's because you keep saying you can't do it that's why you can't do it. incompetence. or is it that i never open my heart to learn, because i don't see myself in the competition at all. I don't like the idea of winning much, do I?
It's all about me,myself and I again.
Why do I always do things half way? Who will be there to give me that push?
What's holding me back.

luck is when

2010-08-09T02:00:00.001+08:00

you step out of the bus and five minutes later
you see fireworks exploding.
HAHAHAHA.
How lucky am I? :)

Are there times when

2010-08-03T22:53:00.002+08:00

you feel really upset. but there is no reason for you to feel so because from an outsider's view, everything is pieced so well together just like a well done jigsaw puzzle.
But no one knows how each jigsaw feels when they are pieced together.
What if what if the jigsaw piece feels uncomfortable?
HAHA TOO BAD.

Advertising is a shady business. Indeed.
Now I get why damn high people are valued at certain events.
A high and supportive audience is damn inportant when you are the performer.

And, you stop there, just to see people leaving,
one
by
one.
Without even a word of bye.

2010-07-29T00:01:00.002+08:00

i see tears. i see irritated faces. i see faces of despair. i see fighting faces that shout no defeat. i see blood. i see encouragement. i see strong-willed faces. i see the effort to try. i see bruises. i see blue-black. i see sweat glitters.

wow.

Trust.

2010-07-27T21:49:00.002+08:00

Everyone owns an admission ticket to your trust.
Some goes and enjoy the rides, stays there for some time.
Some can win the games, and earn more and more tokens.
Yet, this yucky eeky small bunch of assholes tear the fucking ticket right in front of your eyes.

People may say, it's all about believing, baby.

But, how do you expect me to believe in something
so
not worth to believing in.
That's like
Telling me to hit the egg with a spoon and asking me to believe a chick will come out.
Thanks.

Looking at the bright side, at least you tore the ticket right in front of me.

Bytheway, how is it possible for a fucking retard like you to bounce back and gain the love. Comeon, all talk no action = not a man. NOT A MAN AT ALL.
I pity your mum, because she couldn't choose which kid she wanted.

Sorry about the excessive use of fuck, but I need to get it off. This blog is NEVER meant to be a dumping space for bad vocabs.

It's all about being responsible.

fight and you shall get.

2010-07-23T22:04:00.002+08:00

I am glad
I can hear about you doing well, even though you are a million miles away.

Your doing well gave me strength,
I will do well too.

Though I am not living the way you taught me to, but I will live. Because you taught me to live.

Can you bring yourself there?

2010-07-22T22:44:00.004+08:00

There are many things I wished I learnt in the past.

There are many things I know I will want to have "learnt in the past" (which is the present) when I look back in the future.

But it's the half-hearted feeling,
all over again.

The only person who can piece back my heart is me myself and I.

In this case, it's not about giving up on yourself. It's about putting in an effort, for everyone's sake.

Ask not for a lighter burden, but broader shoulders.

Guard your heart

2010-07-18T21:35:00.003+08:00

If I guard my heart properly, no one can steal it.

Not even the best thief can.

It take two hands to clap. Dont go and clap and then pretend someone forced you. Things don't work like that. Things work like you want to.
But sometimes, your heart, you just can't control.

Like, you can block out your ears, you can block out your eyes,
but you can't block out what you feel in your heart.

Although you can't control what you feel, you can control what you do.
and most importantly, what you show.

Don't show it.

If you want something,

2010-07-17T15:07:00.002+08:00

If you want something,
you ask for it.
If you want something badly,
you fight for it.
If you want something hard enough,
you die for it.

Most of the times when you want something hard enough to die for it,
you probably wouldnt die,
instead,
become a stronger person with the thing you want, all in your hand.

Then again, take note, thats only most of the times.
There are always exceptions where you bleed, and get nothing in return.

Because "upcoming" is subjective.

2010-07-15T10:43:00.002+08:00

That is the main reason in difference in attitude.
And why some people are motivated to climb mountains, and some are not motivated enough to climb out of their beds in the morning.
7 weeks is upcoming. hahaha.

I laugh when I talk with you. Not smile, not giggle.

2010-07-13T00:47:00.003+08:00

Guard your heart.
I'm guessing,
no one would choose to be alone once you have found someone.

It's like no one would choose to eat syrup cherries once they have found fresh ripe cherries,
if you get what I mean. HAHA.

not strong enough? not unsociable enough, i guess. But it's a good thing. Life is supposed to based on happyness. Just that for long term happyness, you may have to pay back the time to do some hard work to make up for the time you used to play, play and play.

What exactly is sleep? To what extent is it a good thing, to what extent is it a bad thing?
Practise makes perfect.
Practising to survive the night and sleep less and less and less, doesn't make you not want to sleep in the end.
I often wonder what to think of people who treat sleep as a luxury.

How am I gonna survive today, tomorrow?
The happyness level determining letter hasnt arrived. I'm paranoid like a parrot now. Like, OMG, BABY. (Dj earworm)

Learning organizations

2010-07-11T22:39:00.003+08:00

Learning organizations are places where people continually expand their capacity to create the results they truly desire, where new and expansive patterns of thinking are nutured, where collective aspirations are set free, and where people are continually learning how to learn together.

Tomorrow.

2010-07-09T23:44:00.001+08:00

I will be fighting.
I will be attacking my fear.
I will be afraid.
But I will not show it.

Keep the little shivering girl at home.
What I want them to see
is a confident young lady, with poise, with dreams.

Are you not feeling well today?

2010-07-08T13:36:00.002+08:00

erm hurmph, hmmm.
I could only manage to mumble a mellow hmm.

truth is, I went for cheerleading practice,
by the time I got home, it was already ~
and I wanted to complete my tutorial.
While doing my tutorial, I was MSNing, Fb-ing.
Popping the coffeebeats in my mouth,
the night almost felt like a breezy sunday afternoon.

I realised that if your body is tired and your mind is tired,
and you don't have a fuck loud alarm clock and you silented your phone,
you can't wake up.

I wonder if I am holding on to the balloon because there isn't anyone else who is gonna come to me and give me another helium filled balloon, and if I let go of this one, it will rise higher and pop in the air.
And then, I won't have anything left.
But if I hold on to this balloon, I will not have freehands to eat ice cream.
The ice cream is dripping.

whenever I feel like quitting,

2010-07-08T01:46:00.003+08:00

I ask myself what do I wanna achieve at the end of the three years.

I think about whether, when I old and gold and I look back at my life,
am I able to say
I did what I want to do?

I asked myself if I don't like it because I can't do it or because I really don't like it?
If it's because I can't, why?
Do I really want to do it? If yes, nothing's gonna stop you baby.

I wanna wrap myself in the blanket and feel like no monsters can hurt me.

I don't want to be a quitter.

2010-07-06T03:56:00.003+08:00

Being a quitter is really loserish, because you just prove to yourself you can't hold on long enough. And the thing is, you know the race is about who stays till the end.
However, sometimes you don't quit in name, but you quit in actions, that's even worse than a quitter, because that's a quitter who doesn't admit he's a quitter.
For example, you may be a student in name, but whether you are studying or not is a different story.
I have come to this point of my life where my attitude have changed. And it is no longer about just doing things, but deciding once you do it, you do it with your best.
but sometimes quitting one thing just means you have decided to put in more effort for the many other things you have.

Realisation

2010-07-05T01:12:00.002+08:00

You realise that it isn't about the standard, the people,
it's about your attitude.
When your attitude changes, your actions changes, things change.
It may take alot,
but as long as you know its worth it,
you will do it.

If there's a hundred steps ahead and the other party is only willing to take one step,
you tell yourself that you will grit your teeth
and walk the 99 steps.

2010-05-26T20:56:00.002+08:00

Each decison, each action is interlinked to create the sparks in your life.
such that, sometimes, some things, once you missed it, it never comes back.
and it leads on to affect the next event, the next part of everything perfect.
Live the moment,
for we say, but how many people live jumping up and down, whilst clearly aware of the the risk of falling down, down down down down?
wtf.

How often you see the shadow of one in another person?
You feel certain that if they met, they would be Wowed at how similar they are.
But you know they would never know each other.
It's pretty bad that whilst you are trying to escape from that kind, you find yourself ending up in another place with the same kind. Why escape?
Everywhere, there is one type of that.

It takes such an insignificant time to dislike, but how long does it take to like?
Pretty awesome.
Like is never about compromising.
Like means like, don't like means don't like.
Don't try to be funny.

I hate to tell stories.
I hate to hear people tell stories that aren't what really happened.

But it's alright.
We are all story tellers, it really doesnt matter if you are good story teller or not, because what's important ultimately is what you felt, not what you tried to make others think you felt.

There is this little survey form in your heart, and you have already ticked No No No.
That's great. Teehee. Some things, there just isn't space for any compromise.

2010-05-24T02:29:00.002+08:00

because no man is a one man island, so we need those media of transmission, to transmit information, contribute ideas and connect lives.

tire the muscles, feel the stretch, feel the ache, love the pain.
and one day you are gonna be just like them.

Sometimes, you don't have to do things with reason.

I finally get why we have to pay more.

The things you do makes you?

2010-05-22T22:40:00.002+08:00

Faber's grandfather said that people missed you for the things you did.
If it is so, then people must like you for the things you do.
Then, what exactly is you?
Because you is just a body that do the things you do.

If people liked you
for the things you do,
then what does liking you for who you are mean?
And is there a possibility that people liked you
but not the things you do?
Then it would mean that people don't like the things you do, but still like you.
Then would the like still be a real kind of like, or is it just there because of the inseparable bond that we didn't and couldn't choose in the first place.

when things fall short of expectations,

2010-05-17T23:31:00.003+08:00

when time falls out of control,
when sleep is so tempting,
when giving in is so easy,
when doing is more than saying,
when challenging is more than accepting the challenge,
when competition is so stiff,
when what you used to glow over is no longer glowing,

You fight
and
You become tougher.

Because at any point of your life,

2010-05-16T22:48:00.002+08:00

it is very important to be learning something.

Anything.

There are so many things in the world for you to pick what you like and devote your soul to it.

2010-05-08T00:58:00.002+08:00

Overwhelming with fun and happy things gets you tired, just as overwhelming yourself with depressing work gets you tired as well.
The difference is between being happily tired or not.

There are some things in life you cannot afford to screw up,
and the period of time before that is madness because of stressxsxs (FUCK STRESS!)
And its your fear that you fear the most.
gosh.

There are lots of very good material, but you are one of them too.
Please do not allow yourself to convince yourself otherwise.

Tripping at the pebbles doesnt mean you cant climb over the rock!!!

It's good to do some stuffs and realise, hey,
i'm meant for this.

Quite apparently, I'm abandoning this space,
in pursuit of life happyness.

what matters is
What makes you happy matters.

2010-05-01T14:06:00.001+08:00

I wish I could say ME TOO.

The same situation happening over there, and over here.
But the difference is
you say it out.
But over here,

I don't.

And that is a whole world of difference.

Worst feeling in life:

2010-04-27T23:01:00.000+08:00

feeling intimidated.

Tsk!

2010-04-26T22:57:00.001+08:00

The boy asked mummy, "When leaves fall down, do they get hurt?"

No. They won't get hurt, they will get frustrated.
Because have the sound "tsk".

Credits to S.tan.

Life and luck.

2010-04-26T00:11:00.003+08:00

What keeps us going is when we know what we are now is not what we would like to remain as. That gives us the drive. Because we all knows fun can be funner, happy can be be happyer (i like to spell it like that, cannot ah?)
I see no point in returning obvious intended overfriendliness, maybe not ignore totally, but I see no point in putting up a show just because the show will be a good show. Yeah cool like fuck. Muahaha.

There's always this thought stashed in the back of my mind wondering about when is the exact moment friendship is formed, or the close knittedness feel of the group, I think it's when you feel comfortable. Feeling comfortable is powerful, because you smile not just for the photo, but for the people, for the fun, for the love.

We are all like the sand in the hour glass. It's all about settling down.

Oh, once again, I must reinforce to myself that, LOOKS ARE DECEIVING!
to the max.
But it really cheered me up.
It's all about expectations right. Now I feel even badder for judging people in the first place.

Okay, have a good week ahead.
And hope I dont miss any shuttle buses on the three days I am taking them!
(two days start in the afternoon, amazing or what?)

Can't wait for life to settle down again,

some people are really weird,

then I exhanged looks with him and we burst out laughing.

2010-04-23T23:36:00.001+08:00

If someone tells you his opinion about another,
remember the one you should be judging is the person making the comment,
not the one he is talking about.

2010-04-23T23:27:00.001+08:00

I don't know what is awesome and cool anymore.
Oh haha.

2010-04-21T20:30:00.001+08:00

Fun can obviously change behaviour for the better.
-thefuntheory.com

Check out their youtube vids! Ultimate coolness!

2010-04-20T17:00:00.002+08:00

getoverit.moreeffort.maybe.findacompany.afriend.looks.thefirststep.feeltogether.beingalone.
eat.sleep.breathe.

Make things happen.

LoveandHope &Faith

2010-04-18T13:21:00.003+08:00

It is your choice that makes you. Life is about making choices. Very appropriate for me to say this sentence, whoohoo.

Everything in life is optional.
Every minute, every second is a choice.

To be or not to be.

it's getting cold.

2010-04-17T20:21:00.002+08:00

the sky turns dark at 4pm and the rain falls.

on the train, i hear people.

in the same circumstance,
what do we have to say?

The scariest thing in life:

2010-04-15T12:37:00.001+08:00

is to do the craziest things in life, without anyone knowing.

happiness is spelt happyness.

2010-04-12T22:42:00.004+08:00

mad happy now. because school is starting next week! (one of the reasons)
of course no one gets enough of doing things at your own time, own target.
Sleep till the cows come home.
Enjoy till..
haha, but life has to go on.

Just want myself to remember.
Before I earn big bucks, I can sacrifice sleep.
Better make good my words. Actually this is a something I rmbed from Alex last time.
haha.
The difference between JC people and people who excel in poly, is that one is disciplined by others, the other is you discipline yourself.
So sad, have to discipline myself (translate to chinese damn funny.)

Okay Im happy because,
going for my first run on sunday,
my target is.. erm to complete it without stopping.
HAHA KUKU TO THE MAX.
But, upon a scale of 100, how prepared I'm is only like, 55?
Okay, just enjoy it lah, I'm sure the scenery will be good.
Not talking about people ok, scenery. the sky! the trees!
It's near the F1 pit area, i think. can see flyer, etc, i think.
(just wondering what if it rains? hmms)
anyway, can't wait to collect the runner's kit.

Next thing to be happy about is Speech day on friday.
Can't wait to see people cry!
HAHA whatthehell.
Can't wait to see people who have settled down in their colleges.
My school haven't start, BUT IT'S OKAY.
HAHA.
It's almost like seeing your kids get married, just that they are people of your age, ok they are actually your batch mates.
I wanna meet the friends I like, but won't hang out with except during mass outings..
Everyone has such people in your lives right?

And another thing to be happy about is
the timetable and class list is out.
1/4 of my class are people from my orientation group as well.
HAHA because one quarter means 5 people (including myself)
FUNNY TTM.
and the guy who transferred from another top jc, same class as me!
Just very amazed by how life works, so am quite excited about people who do weird things like me.
but there is something else too, but hahaa, inappropriate to show my hobby here. yt knows.
YAY
And the girl I got to "know" online same class as well.
Another thing is that
I NEVER HAVE TO WAKE UP AT A BLOODY 5AM, 6AM ANYMORE, unless I want to.
Timetable is damn adult, like I only have to wake up early for 3days :0
funny how I use adult as an adjective, nevermind, I only seek for personal understanding.

Okay, hope the happy spirit never dies.
I think if lesser food get stuck in my braces, my happyness level will increase.
Wtf, BYE :)

2010-04-11T21:41:00.002+08:00

Actually sometimes when I say I don't know, I actually know, it's just that I don't want to tell you.

Actually sometimes when I say I know, I actually am not very sure, but I have to make sure you think i'm sure.

2010-04-11T21:09:00.000+08:00

edu system.

2010-04-10T01:15:00.002+08:00

Am just wondering the usefulness/ unusefulness of single sex schools?

How come?
RGS, RI direct to RJC
NYGH, HChigh direct to HCJC

Really can concentrate better?
(But apparently it just means that they have a really awesome psle score, as long as they dont fail badly, they keep their place to the respective jcs, from what i understand.)

Okay, i seriously cannot stand it to hear some people tell me they find it weird that they are seeing so many opposite sex walking around.
it's like, they machiam live with aliens before that ah??
(i know i might offend people.)

Just now, a group of guys who look like I dont know, quite old already, and they were apparently, obviously, very paranoid abt who is having to sit next to me on the bus.
LIKE WHAT THE FUCK SO OLD ALREADY SIT ON THE BUS WITH GIRL ALSO WILL SHY 0.0

Okay i sound like a bimbo talking like that.

Only yourself can define your quality of life.

2010-04-08T21:46:00.002+08:00

I love feeling happily excited.
Its just this feeling little bubbles popping in your heart.
Very beautiful bubbles.

Because you know satisfaction comes after the happy excitement.

happily excited means happily excited.
there can be excitement existing in other forms as well.
Another best feeling in life is probably this.

supernatural powers

2010-04-06T20:25:00.002+08:00

1. be invisible
2. turn back time
3. fly

actually i dont see how any of these could help,

unless...
1. people dont notice your disappearance
2. you could change what you did, and people dont change what they did.
3. no one notices you?

so its like without "terms and conditions", it would be useless?

2010-04-05T19:15:00.004+08:00

http://www.asiaone.com/Business/SME%2BCentral/Prime%2BMovers/Story/A1Story20090203-119053.html

remember this guy?
Thai express ceo, ex andersonian.

it seems like xinwang is under him too. wtf wtf.

kinda regret not listening to him talk last time.
-.-

Best feeling you can feel in life:

2010-04-05T16:44:00.000+08:00

Feeling comfortable.

keeping in mind

2010-04-02T16:29:00.002+08:00

Because there's alot to keep in mind, it seems easier if we just start doing them so they become a habit, a cycle, then we don't ever have to keep it in mind, because when we do it, it would seem so natural, so easily, done.

Very optimistic.

Keep it up.

Keep the optimism in mind.

Another slap own face thought again. Heh.

2010-03-30T00:21:00.003+08:00

Sometimes you really can't help but to roll eye and whatever, wtf, go away.

Like when you are worrying about something that is as problematic as a mountain,
people come troubling you with their worries about problems that are as problematic as a molehill.
(wah, look at my english man. power T.T)

Like when you are worrying about whether you can afford to eat dinner, some people come along and ask you if they should eat abalone or shark's fin for dinner.

Geddit?

2010-03-28T19:21:00.004+08:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Annabel_Chong

Nothing to approve, disapprove of.
It is just shocking.
Something must have happened, duh.
As people call it, wasted.
I really hate the word.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wee_Shu_Min_elitism_scandal

I wonder where is she now.

Ok lor, talk about speech day.

2010-03-28T18:51:00.003+08:00

Have you guys realised speech day will be the end?
Like the final thing we get to do in anderson.
Of course, the love will be there forever (wah, yucks)

I think missing anderson is an overstatement (yeah, because im didnt go jc)
I do miss secondary school life, it's just the part of your life where amazing things happen.
I'm so glad I held on to the end, having another secondary school just opposite your house sucked to the max. Who understands?

Enjoyed upper sec life much more than lower sec.
I don't know why (okay actually i know why.)

Okay, so like I'm gonna brace myself along with ppl like JC, P, YT, etc etc.
To watch the 6 and 7 pointers take the prize.
It's something we once thought we could, but now we know we couldn't, and it sucks to say, there isn't anything we can do abt it.
For me is because of chem mcq lah, too relax and complacent at the last day.
But I mean, I did what I did.
So at least I know what I did.

Seeyou that day, andersonians.

2010-03-26T13:02:00.003+08:00

Some feelings will pass, but some will not, they will stay on and on,
and rip your heart apart.

How do you know if it will pass or not?

Time will tell.

How long will it take?

2010-03-24T02:03:00.000+08:00

a picture.

2010-03-21T23:15:00.002+08:00

A picture captures the moment, that is actually only for a split second.
As much as it could capture the happiness and joy, all that lies beneath may be only an act, as we all say, pose for the picture. Pose. haha.
So, a picture actually says nothing.
Therefore, a picture speaks a thousand words does not make much sense.
However, the memories that lie beneath each picture speaks a thousand words.
What I am actually trying to say is that, as much as a happy picture could mean happy memories, it could jolly well bring sad memories.

2010-03-21T00:22:00.001+08:00

treat facebook as a photo sharing monster.
we exploit technology, not let technology exploit us.
whoo.

2010-03-19T23:51:00.002+08:00

In this world, everyone is seeking everyone's approval, appraisal and acceptance.

Like sometimes you ask people about their opinions on matters that you actually have made a decision deep inside. That's the subconcious state of mind searching for people's approval.

Sometimes you start doing things that you really like without much people knowing, and yet you still do it, and while doing it, you actually start promoting it, and speaking about it in very positive attitude, that's trying to gain people's acceptance.

Of course one would say Please lah, like whatever, I just do what I like, dont care la.
And you start showing,telling and sharing your own beliefs and things that very little people do.
That might be in a way showing people that I dont care about what others feel.
But, you are actually still trying to gain people's acceptance, accepting your I-dont-care attitude.
Accepting that not bothering might be the way out, that may seem as you dont really care if people accepts, but actually you are still trying to want people to accept.

That is why we like people to like what we do, and so we try to like what people do.
People wont say out clearly that they actually like people to approve of them, because it seems stupid, like it seems so dependent and childish. But we all seek each other's approval. That's human.

the bad things in life.

2010-03-18T23:45:00.003+08:00

1. when you didn't receive messages someone sent, and the person did sent it to you.
the next bad thing that follows is missing out on whatever event was supposed to be conveyed to you in that message.

2. when you want to go out with a not so close friend, but there are few or none common friends to ask along to fight the awkwardness.
the next bad thing that follows is that you lose chances becoming best friends with that friend who had so much potential to be one.

3. when the only reason you don't wanna be short is because people around you are so tall.
the next bad thing that follows is that you wallow in self pity. LOL.

4. when you hear so much about someone
but you don't get to meet the person.
the next bad thing that follows is that you waste time thinking about the existence of such a person, and whether the person heard of you.

5. when you are so indecisive that after you decided to do something, you started doing another thing. wtf.